Relation Tension

Dear Reader,

'Tis true.

A most distasteful feud is taking place and I am unsure of its demise. Silly little starter, disappointing lengthen-er, and a predictable end (should there be one).

And so, the tale begins...

'Twas a beautiful morning. The birds flying gracefully, singing their hearts out to one another. Puddles from the night before have yet to dry up. Cool fresh air filled the town and welcomed us to another day.

OK. Enough blabbering.

Tuesday morning. After PE, it was time for Agama, so we went to the neighbouring class. The teacher didn't come so we had the two periods to ourselves. As normal, we were just talking. And then, it began. The horrible chain of events leading to disaster.
A certain friend took out his wallet and looked through its contents. She came across certain items of very high value to him. He urged her to return it to him, and so she did.

I'll spare you the details. Yes, I know, it doesn't seem like much could happen from what I'm telling you, but the following happenings of that little event turned to be ... disappointing.

Yep. That's one word to sum up everything. Disappointing.

I considered his actions to be out of pure arrogance, that is, until I pondered, and seeked advice. And then I realized, from his point of view, this is just another episode. He is behaving the way he should be according to what he thinks is best as a solution, because it's just the same thing to him. You know what I think?

Nay!

This is no ordinary occurrence!

And yet... I have nothing to support that claim. In comparison, it really does seem like another episode. But, it just feels different.
Probably because we haven't said a word to each other for like 5 days, and it usually happens for only a day or two.

It's lengthened tension. That's it.

And you know what really sucks? After a lot of thinking, turns out I'm the culprit. There was this little voice in my head that started speaking to me after school on like Thursday, telling me I'm the one who wronged. And now, it's a loud voice. But I don't think I'm entirely it.

Sh*t. This really sucks. This really really sucks.

Not so much of what has happened, but what is going to happen, or going to have to happen. I'm the one who's gonna have to crawl back to him in tattered clothes, smelling like a dumpster, tears in my face, weak and thin, arms and knees trembling, screaming for his forgiveness. And he'll be able to reject it nad turn his other cheek. It's at his mercy. Argh... Sh*t!

I might not be perfect, but I know enough to 'jaga perasaan orang lain'. Or at least I try.
HIM... on the other hand... is... I guess not as sensitive as I am. Both a strength and a weakness. He is more patient than I, but more blunt. I am less patient, but more... understanding?

Wait.

I have gotten lots of comments about not being understanding from my siblings.
So what is this?
Am I just the whole core to everything that has happened?
Is the whole fault on me?
Am I the cause of the problem?

Am I the problem?

I--don't--know. Hmm. It--makes sense. It does make sense. I am wrong. I'm wrong for letting my weakness of impatience get the better of me.



I'm wrong.



That's all for now. Salams.